Stress, Spirituality and the Shift

How are you doing? Enquired my housemate, genuinely concerned. I am preparing for a long trip overseas and there is much to be done on a practical level.

I'm ok, really ok My words came as a complete surprise to me! As my thoughts aired through speech I hardly recognised myself: I felt calm, peaceful and relaxed.

How could this be? I had so much to do! I had not managed to keep up with my to do list, I had experienced a couple of setbacks earlier in the day.

I had every reason to feel stressed, emotional, anxious and overwhelmed. And yet.... I felt good! This was new and unfamiliar.

I'm no stranger to stress: stress has permeated and coloured most of my life. I witnessed my parents overworking and projecting their frustrations onto myself and my siblings, which we duly internalised. I then created lots and lots of stress for myself as a young adult. Firstly through setting and achieving seemingly unfeasible academic goals. And then spending  years collecting promotions and taking on increasing levels of responsibility in inner London education. I eventually burnt out, retraining in holistic arts: yoga and bodywork.

Yet the stress followed me into my new life; unseen and silent, I let stress continue to devour me and drain my energy on all levels.

Stress is the plague of the modern world, who doesn't suffer from stress? Sadly, stress is the norm and accompanies much of our daily experience.

I have come to know stress pretty intimately. My definition would be a set of physiological and emotional responses to challenging conditions. 

Typically, there is a feeling of overwhelm, of circumstances being out of control, of lacking the time or resources to meet the situation. Being unable to cope. Caught in a stress reaction, we fixate and magnify the situation out of all proportion and risk spiralling into a vortex of negativity.

In my work I have become skilled at relaxing the physical body, it is useful but not enough. On my journey of healing I have come to see that holistic therapies and bodywork can only take me so far; right now the work is taking place on the inner level.

Stress is a choice, a reactive pattern, we have repeated time and time again that we assume it is a fixed response. We don't realise we are choosing it:  we feel as though it is choosing us. Because it is a choice, we have it in our power to change our response and transform our relationship to the situation.

My practise is is to avoid tipping over into the stress reaction and inhabiting the stress zone which wreaks havoc on the body, emotions and causes a detachment from spirit, a separation from the inner being,  a shut down. This is quite simply too high a price to pay.  And I no longer consider stress to be inevitable, I challenge its hold over me and my life force.

I am suggesting that the antidote to stress is TRUST. An inner knowing that circumstances will regulate themselves, that we can cope and all will be well, even though we don't in the present moment know how. The universe, divinity or one's own higher self will ensure a positive outcome.

Todays example: I had ordered a pair of walking shoes online, they were a real bargain and alas when arrived they didn't fit. I started to tell a negative story,  They don't fit, this is terrible! I can't afford an expensive pair, I don't have left enough time to get a replacement sent out, it's my fault and so on. I started to embroider in everything else I had to do, there simply wasn't enough time!  I could feel myself on the verge of panick and anxiety.

I caught myself, detached from the reaction and told myself a different story: It was going to be so easy to organise a refund, I was dealing with a retailer who always gave superlative customer service. I would find another pair of walking shoes, I didn't yet know how, but I knew that the Universe would bring me a solution.

Peace dawned on me: I knew that everything was going to be ok. Letting go of stress is a huge deal. When I am able to do this, I feel lighter, freer, calm and relaxed. The real me!

I am learning to let go of the paradigm of the supremacy of the rational mind, whereby we expect to solve all our problems by thinking and planning, skills which only work some of the time and leave us mentally and emotionally exhausted and ultimately unsatisfied.

I choose to let go of  struggle

In expanded consciousness, we live an integrated spirituality,  broadening one's understanding to include a benevolent cosmic force that is always on our side and operating to produce the highest good for all.

Which means that the poor, long overburdened thinking mind no longer has to bear the full weight of responsibility for our decisions and choices in life. Everybody wins!

This is the shift in awareness that humanity is currently being asked to make: Do we choose a fear based reality (stress) or love based reality (trust)? The loneliness of the illusion of separateness or the joy of co-creation?

Which do you prefer?

Blessings of calmness and clarity

Jennifer

Taking Time Out for Myself

Enjoying quiet time at home

I'm getting good at listening to myself, understanding and honouring the messages from within. For the last couple of weeks I have felt the need to rest at home quietly and spend time with myself.

This is quite beautiful, as it resonates with the rythmic cycle of the seasons and the slow yet obvious sloping away of energy as we turn to face the autumn equinox and beyond that the darkening into winter in the northern hemisphere as we rotate away from the sun.

I have a practice of self-honouring and self-care, by which I mean I commit to looking after myself, as a sacred contract, which I renew daily in the form of prayer, meditation or affirming intention.

This subverts years, decades of patterning and behaviour during which the opposite was true; I gave up listening to myself, I was woefully unaware of my true needs and would override any inner messages that managed to get through.

I made everything more important than myself; work especially, also other peoples needs. I had a definition of my own needs which tended to decrease rather than support health: the mixed blessings of the modern age which mercifully we are now waking up and reconsidering: status, shopping, rich food and all kinds of indulgences.

My physical and emotional self suffered and eventually collapsed under the strain, leading to recurrent episodes of chronic fatigue, burn out and depression. My spiritual self was ever present I guess but buried within and lost to me; I was lost to myself.

Early signs of autumn: time to turn inward

I have loved myself back to health and happiness and reconnected with my inner being. Staying true to my whole self is a full time job and even now, I can feel guilty about prioritising my clear and obvious need for rest and quiet time, when I feel that I should be engaged more actively with the world.

This success mentality, the attitude of doing, imposing goals, timetables and outcomes leads to imbalance not only in the individual experience but collectively too. Its a big one to shift and I need to acknowledge myself when I intervene and act preventatively. Which I am beginning to do more easily.

So when I received two potent dreams on consecutive nights, both indicating fatigue I knew I had to stop. Firstly, a refridgerator fully iced in; my laptop embedded within, frozen. Either I was going to seize up or I needed a break from writing and the internet.

Secondly, wading uphill in Glastonbury town, through knee deep water feeling too tired to continue: meaning I was getting  burnt out in town; time to pull back.

This time, the guilt was minimal and I allowed myself to enjoy this special time; a retreat at home.

Living in a small and interconnected dynamic community of Glastonbury, complete seclusion was unrealistic. Two days into my exile, even the meter reader from the power company felt the need to tell me, unprompted, all about her healing experience at Chalice Well!

I am getting comfortable with setting personal boundaries. I have let go of worrying that friends will feel excluded or rejected. I say; I'm taking a some time out at home, I'll give you a call in a few days and we can do something lovely together.

I get positive feedback on this, such as Wow you are really looking after yourself, or I should really do that! Take good rest

Nurturing the Inner Self

So I keep my home clean and uncluttered and bring in fresh flowers, burn incense and candles, throughout the day. The computer is resting too, unplugged. I meditate upon deities; Shiva and Ganesha, the Goddess of the Ganga. I practice yoga asana, I chant and pray.

I rest deeply in my own presence, giving myself the quality time and attention I deserve.

I sit in the garden, face upturned to catch the still warm delicious golden rays of the Spetember sun. I forage  in a nearby abandoned orchard, collecting armfuls of tiny apples, blushed pink.

I recall how I sang bhajans under a particular tree with friends in early spring as the blossoms were forming and we looked forward to the summer ahead.

Eschewing electric light, I take myself to bed as the sun sets, free of the restraints of clock time and rise before dawn, opening the doors to receive the day.

Early morning walking the circumference of Glastonbury Tor and receiving the energising morning prana as the sun's appearance burns away the mists of Avalon while still sleepy sheep huddle against the slopes of this holy hill.

My dreams became more vivid and my ablity to feel deeply and receive intuition becomes heightened, I begin to feel restored.

Then the call back to a fuller engagement: the feeling of wanting to connect and share with others. The urge to write and a wonderful dream: of newly de-cluttered kitchen cupboards, I open them all to find order and spaciousness and there is an accompanying feeling of contentment and wellbeing: Meaning I have created some much needed internal space.

I am now ready to resume and rejoin the flow of life, relaxed and feeling peaceful once more. I wonder what's next....?

Intentions and affirmations

I listen with love to my body's messages (Louise Hay)

My intuition is always on my side

My dreams are a valuable source of wisdom  and guidance to me

I give myself permission to slow down and stop

I take really good care of myself at all times

Tine with myself is precious and wonderful

My friends are understanding and supportive of my needs

It is safe to let go

I am nourished by quiet time with myself

Why not give yourself permission to slow down and stop?

Peaceful blessings,

Jennifer

Being the change: radical honesty, surrender and kindness

Honouring the path of growth

The path to the authentic self is sometimes smooth and peaceful: I am well established in daily practices that support my health, well being and growth. I mostly cruise along with ease and calm.

At other times, some greater force is clearly in charge and nothing goes to plan. As though my life is contained in a shoebox that is being shaken roughly by the Gods and higher spirit beings. Everything is disturbed and dislocated and nothing can be relied upon.

Today has been one of those days. It began yesterday and was seeded a long way back. We are mid festival season and my beautiful and much loved hand painted caravan has been parked on the drive since the end of May. Festivals have come and gone and I have stayed home, save a brief away day mission to the Glastonbury site.

I had been planning to attend Buddhafield, my favourite event. Yesterday, during preparations, I noticed that I was feeling tired and headachy. I was also questioning whether I did want to go to the festival. I was to be holding a singing circle, a change from my usual full time work as a healer. I would have a lot of free time and wondered whether I was resisting the change, from fear.

Super exhausted I went to bed at 8pm, and requested dream guidance. Following a deeply nourishing twelve hour sleep I awoke feeling decidedly unwell. I had dreamed of climbing a high vertical bank of soft sand which was subsiding under my feet. Interpretation: overambition leading to a lack of success. A pretty clear message.

It felt like no small coincidence that I had spent time with two friends in recent days who had both burned themselves out at festivals  They were both sick, fluey and lacking in energy. What better mirror could I have?

And yet, some part of me wanted to persevere, to battle on. I have a history of overextending myself, overachieving and burnout and this part of my psyche is always pushing me to reach beyond my limits. And so, I set about collecting water from the White Spring and composing a grocery list, as though the festival was still an achievable reality. I was in denial. And at the same time, feelings started to grow stronger, from within. An inner knowing: I needed to stay home and rest and maintain my daily practices.

A flat tyre is a potent symbol

I felt ill, lousy and returning  home I could see that my caravan had a flat tyre. Another message from spirit. I could have forced the situation forwards: taken medication, got the tyre re-inflated, packed up the caravan and gone to the festival....

And then what? Get really sick and take weeks to recover? This was not even an option. As I absorbed the reality that I was going nowhere, strong feelings erupted from within. Sobs and sobs of tears: and powerful waves of emotion: I was upset, angry, frustrated.

Loss and disappointment were overwhelming: the situation was cruel and unfair. I felt frightened by my perceived lack of resilience; that I was functioning less and less in the outside world. I wanted to be expansive, playful and connected: to be having fun times with friends in summer fields, to meet new people and to be uplifted. Instead I was stuck at home, unwell with a very small range of movement. How could this be happening to me?

In the microcosm of this very small and highly personal experience the macrocosm is reflected. There is an epidemic of stress, struggle and burnout on so many levels in Western society.

The consequences of an imbalanced attitude characterised by imposing outcomes, ignoring limits and overriding signs of stress, unchecked expansion, unsustainable growth, controlling, depleting resources, arrogance and linear thinking. All attributes I once embodied and lived and promoted! The path to my harmony is to integrate softer gentler qualities and spiritual values:

I was able to find peace through giving myself credit for:

♥  Bringing full awareness and radical honesty to the situation and respecting the full truth.

 ♥ Staying present with myself ; allowing and accepting a full flow of uncomfortable feelings: Risking being real.

 ♥  Honouring guidance from feeling, intuition, dreams, bodily symptoms and outer synchronicities.

♥  Trusting that some greater good would come, even though I might not see it now: humility and surrender.

♥  Prioritising self-care, kindness and gentleness. 

♥ Acknowledging my courage, vulnerability and authenticity.

♥ Appreciating and celebrating that I am able to transform an unhealthy and deeply entrenched pattern.

This is proving to be a summer of tremendous personal change and growth for me; how is it for you? I welcome all comments and feedback.

May we all become our most authentic, peaceful and healthy selves!

Jennifer

Boundaries, over-listening and energy management

Do you over listen to others?

What you have here is a drop system, began the plumber, tapping the pipes below the boiler. I could feel a lecture coming on. As he paused to take a deep inbreath,  I interjected swiftly, politely and definitely: I'm afraid you've already lost me.

He got the message and looked hurt. It was clear that he really wanted to explain the system to me. However I had neither the time nor motivation to listen. Most importantly I have found that overlistening exhausts me emotionally and energetically. Today as well as emptying the radiators, this innocent looking middle aged man could easily end up draining me, if I allow it.

Not only do I suffer in the present moment; overtime this pattern depletes physical health and wellbeing and ultimately contributes to weakened immunity, disconnection from the true self, chronic fatigue and burnout. I have worked on myself for a number of years to restore health and aliveness and refuse to compromise my wellbeing: I am too important!

The cues are always present if we are willing to listen.  
Signs that I am about to be drained emotionally/energetically:

My joy falls away
I get a contraction in my solar plexus
My head starts to feel heavy and dull
I feel anxious and panicky, wanting to escape

If I don't act to protect myself, in addition to above I may experience:

Headaches
Loss of physical energy and vitality
Disturbed sleep: difficulty falling asleep, early wakefulness
Dreams of being invaded in some way, home break-in or being aggressively pursued
Not feeling refreshed by sleep, physical dullness and fatigue

In her recently published work Emotional Freedom, Californian energy psychiatrist Dr Judith Orloff describes four types of energy vampires, archetypal personalities we may encounter. It is a useful read, and I recommend it. I also feel that the term vampire while explicit and immediate construes a sense of helplessness and passivity, victimhood. Undesirable.

My recovery has come from an attitude of empowerment and taking personal responsibility, without blaming or judging others.(Including myself!)

Time spent in nature heals and restores

Practical steps to restore energy.

Walk in nature; take in fresh air and unseen natural forces, breathe deeply!

Bathe to cleanse the physical body. Ideally wild water such as a natural spring, river or the ocean.

Burn incense or natural resins to purify your environment, open windows and doors to release stagnant energy.

Listen to and repeat a prayer, mantra or healing affirmation to clear your aura and calm the mind.

Visualise and reconnect to the feeling of light mood and limitless energy, remember a time when you felt this way.

Back to today's story. I quietly exited the kitchen, leaving the plumber to continue his work. I virtually skipped across the garden, a sense of  celebration and jubilation filling me from within. Sensations of  happiness and wellness, the inner being responding to self-love. The fruits of self-care, so sweet and precious and plenty of energy left to spend as I choose.