Taking Time Out for Myself

Enjoying quiet time at home

I'm getting good at listening to myself, understanding and honouring the messages from within. For the last couple of weeks I have felt the need to rest at home quietly and spend time with myself.

This is quite beautiful, as it resonates with the rythmic cycle of the seasons and the slow yet obvious sloping away of energy as we turn to face the autumn equinox and beyond that the darkening into winter in the northern hemisphere as we rotate away from the sun.

I have a practice of self-honouring and self-care, by which I mean I commit to looking after myself, as a sacred contract, which I renew daily in the form of prayer, meditation or affirming intention.

This subverts years, decades of patterning and behaviour during which the opposite was true; I gave up listening to myself, I was woefully unaware of my true needs and would override any inner messages that managed to get through.

I made everything more important than myself; work especially, also other peoples needs. I had a definition of my own needs which tended to decrease rather than support health: the mixed blessings of the modern age which mercifully we are now waking up and reconsidering: status, shopping, rich food and all kinds of indulgences.

My physical and emotional self suffered and eventually collapsed under the strain, leading to recurrent episodes of chronic fatigue, burn out and depression. My spiritual self was ever present I guess but buried within and lost to me; I was lost to myself.

Early signs of autumn: time to turn inward

I have loved myself back to health and happiness and reconnected with my inner being. Staying true to my whole self is a full time job and even now, I can feel guilty about prioritising my clear and obvious need for rest and quiet time, when I feel that I should be engaged more actively with the world.

This success mentality, the attitude of doing, imposing goals, timetables and outcomes leads to imbalance not only in the individual experience but collectively too. Its a big one to shift and I need to acknowledge myself when I intervene and act preventatively. Which I am beginning to do more easily.

So when I received two potent dreams on consecutive nights, both indicating fatigue I knew I had to stop. Firstly, a refridgerator fully iced in; my laptop embedded within, frozen. Either I was going to seize up or I needed a break from writing and the internet.

Secondly, wading uphill in Glastonbury town, through knee deep water feeling too tired to continue: meaning I was getting  burnt out in town; time to pull back.

This time, the guilt was minimal and I allowed myself to enjoy this special time; a retreat at home.

Living in a small and interconnected dynamic community of Glastonbury, complete seclusion was unrealistic. Two days into my exile, even the meter reader from the power company felt the need to tell me, unprompted, all about her healing experience at Chalice Well!

I am getting comfortable with setting personal boundaries. I have let go of worrying that friends will feel excluded or rejected. I say; I'm taking a some time out at home, I'll give you a call in a few days and we can do something lovely together.

I get positive feedback on this, such as Wow you are really looking after yourself, or I should really do that! Take good rest

Nurturing the Inner Self

So I keep my home clean and uncluttered and bring in fresh flowers, burn incense and candles, throughout the day. The computer is resting too, unplugged. I meditate upon deities; Shiva and Ganesha, the Goddess of the Ganga. I practice yoga asana, I chant and pray.

I rest deeply in my own presence, giving myself the quality time and attention I deserve.

I sit in the garden, face upturned to catch the still warm delicious golden rays of the Spetember sun. I forage  in a nearby abandoned orchard, collecting armfuls of tiny apples, blushed pink.

I recall how I sang bhajans under a particular tree with friends in early spring as the blossoms were forming and we looked forward to the summer ahead.

Eschewing electric light, I take myself to bed as the sun sets, free of the restraints of clock time and rise before dawn, opening the doors to receive the day.

Early morning walking the circumference of Glastonbury Tor and receiving the energising morning prana as the sun's appearance burns away the mists of Avalon while still sleepy sheep huddle against the slopes of this holy hill.

My dreams became more vivid and my ablity to feel deeply and receive intuition becomes heightened, I begin to feel restored.

Then the call back to a fuller engagement: the feeling of wanting to connect and share with others. The urge to write and a wonderful dream: of newly de-cluttered kitchen cupboards, I open them all to find order and spaciousness and there is an accompanying feeling of contentment and wellbeing: Meaning I have created some much needed internal space.

I am now ready to resume and rejoin the flow of life, relaxed and feeling peaceful once more. I wonder what's next....?

Intentions and affirmations

I listen with love to my body's messages (Louise Hay)

My intuition is always on my side

My dreams are a valuable source of wisdom  and guidance to me

I give myself permission to slow down and stop

I take really good care of myself at all times

Tine with myself is precious and wonderful

My friends are understanding and supportive of my needs

It is safe to let go

I am nourished by quiet time with myself

Why not give yourself permission to slow down and stop?

Peaceful blessings,

Jennifer

Response to London riots

Community spirit emerges in Clapham

This morning I awoke early and began trawling the mainstream media. I wouldn't normally begin my day this way,but like many others I am following the extraordinary events currently unfolding in London and other cities across the UK.

My mood was buoyant and optimistic. Yesterday evening  I was cheered by press images of doughty Brits bearing brooms aloft reclaiming the streets of Clapham. Clean up groups were mushrooming online, powered by community spirit. I joined a facebook group: Stay Home and Drink Tea. A feeling that the worst had passed.

Alas another troubled night of violence, with more and more urban centres affected. I live snuggled away in Glastonbury, a peaceful new age nexus. No high street chains to loot here; when Woolworths closed in 2009 the premises re-opened as a wholefoods store and organic cafe. It is unthinkable that violence and rage would penetrate this far.

And yet, cycling past the Co-Operative store in the early evening I counted five police vehicles and one very sorry looking miscreant being detained.

The high drama continues then. It is real and it is happening now and I am feeling affected.

Looting

Firstly, I feel a sadness, a soreness, that London is suffering. London is my birth town and where I spent my early childhood. I returned as a newly hatched teacher in the early nineties and grafted hard in inner city schools in 'troubled' areas for ten intense years. I do have a genuine sense of personal upset and loss.

I am also feeling the deep poignancy of the inevitability of it all. The death throes of a  paining, dysfunctional society, writhing in anguish as its structures collapse. Volatile finacial markets, plummeting shares are the economic backdrop to this; money systems across the globe are destabilising, on the verge of collapse. Society is burning out*

I feel deep compassion for our troubled urban youth; a generation of lost boys and girls raised on poor diets, in ugly environments, conditioned to worship celebrities and to desire and expect a lifestyle they could never afford or attain: luxury branded goods, expensive personal media and technologies, fast cars and beautiful bodies. The crisis of a life lived without depth or meaning: lacking any intrinsic sense of belonging, self-esteem, dignity, value or worth.

Celebrating with community at Paddington Farm

I read the violence as the expression of the repressed contents of collective consciousness,  a volcanic eruption, as described by progressive mystical psychologist Carl Gustav Jung a century ago.

From his perspective, modern western civilisation is largely soulless and thus profoundly unreal and imbalanced. The psyche is a self-balancing mechanism and as we have gone too far in a certain direction this reaction is an unavoidable consequence.

Contemporary teacher Eckhart Tolle commenting on the cataclysmic events that rocked our world in September 2002, uses the expression collective insanity:

The collective insanity that is in the human mind has a grip on the world and has enormous momentum

It becomes obvious when we see such a violent manifestation of it, violence inflicted by humans upon each other, it is a manifestation of the human condition 

There is something arising now on this planet that is different, that is new, that is not part of that insanity 

There is an acceleration of the new energy coming in and an intensification of the old which is playing itself out, that is the core of the madness

The sickness or insanity can only be dissolved in the individual, because the collective is only the sum total of the unconsciousness in the individual, the collective follows

A personal teaching: any outer circumstance affords me a window into my own soul, I ask myself:

What am I learning about myself? 
How am I moved by this? 
What are my responses and my reactions?

Drinking tea for peace on facebook

I am grateful that what is missing in the lives of my brothers and sisters in the cities is present in my life. Glastonbury is a spiritual, creative community. Here you can experience belonging.

Far from perfect, yet we endeavour personally and collectively to practice what we preach; growing our own food, sharing resources, joining together to pray and celebrate. Love and caring circulates here. I recognise it, I value it and I wish it for others.

On the inner level; I am becoming more and more established in knowing my inviolable value and worth. Shifting from an identity based on the external self, what I wear, what I have, how much money I have or even the work that I do or don't do. We were created by a loving source, we are here, we are good enough.

I have been singing songs of peace and chanting mantras, primarily to calm myself. We can all be agents of peace. Creating tranquility and harmony in our individual lives is a meaningful contribution to the collective energy field at any time and particularly now.

This beautiful prayer, is buzzing around my head comes from a song by Adrian Freedman who performed it  recently at a concert in town:

Dear God our Divine Mother, our Divine Father

Please help us to hold the light in our hearts

Please help us to transform our pain

So we may live our lives in peace and dignity

Aho to that.

Resources:

*Charles Eisenstein investigates current state of society and presents a future forward vision with authority, eloquence and compassion in his books: The Ascent of Humanity and Sacred Economics.

Peace invoking, healing, sacred song from Adrian Freedman. Buy, listen and sing to yourself and everyone you know.

Audio interview with Eckhart Tolle Even the Sun will Die recorded September 11 2002

Read Carl Jung's theory of the collective unconscious in his collected works, Volume 9 The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious

Facebook group Anti-riot Drink a cup of tea

Being the change: radical honesty, surrender and kindness

Honouring the path of growth

The path to the authentic self is sometimes smooth and peaceful: I am well established in daily practices that support my health, well being and growth. I mostly cruise along with ease and calm.

At other times, some greater force is clearly in charge and nothing goes to plan. As though my life is contained in a shoebox that is being shaken roughly by the Gods and higher spirit beings. Everything is disturbed and dislocated and nothing can be relied upon.

Today has been one of those days. It began yesterday and was seeded a long way back. We are mid festival season and my beautiful and much loved hand painted caravan has been parked on the drive since the end of May. Festivals have come and gone and I have stayed home, save a brief away day mission to the Glastonbury site.

I had been planning to attend Buddhafield, my favourite event. Yesterday, during preparations, I noticed that I was feeling tired and headachy. I was also questioning whether I did want to go to the festival. I was to be holding a singing circle, a change from my usual full time work as a healer. I would have a lot of free time and wondered whether I was resisting the change, from fear.

Super exhausted I went to bed at 8pm, and requested dream guidance. Following a deeply nourishing twelve hour sleep I awoke feeling decidedly unwell. I had dreamed of climbing a high vertical bank of soft sand which was subsiding under my feet. Interpretation: overambition leading to a lack of success. A pretty clear message.

It felt like no small coincidence that I had spent time with two friends in recent days who had both burned themselves out at festivals  They were both sick, fluey and lacking in energy. What better mirror could I have?

And yet, some part of me wanted to persevere, to battle on. I have a history of overextending myself, overachieving and burnout and this part of my psyche is always pushing me to reach beyond my limits. And so, I set about collecting water from the White Spring and composing a grocery list, as though the festival was still an achievable reality. I was in denial. And at the same time, feelings started to grow stronger, from within. An inner knowing: I needed to stay home and rest and maintain my daily practices.

A flat tyre is a potent symbol

I felt ill, lousy and returning  home I could see that my caravan had a flat tyre. Another message from spirit. I could have forced the situation forwards: taken medication, got the tyre re-inflated, packed up the caravan and gone to the festival....

And then what? Get really sick and take weeks to recover? This was not even an option. As I absorbed the reality that I was going nowhere, strong feelings erupted from within. Sobs and sobs of tears: and powerful waves of emotion: I was upset, angry, frustrated.

Loss and disappointment were overwhelming: the situation was cruel and unfair. I felt frightened by my perceived lack of resilience; that I was functioning less and less in the outside world. I wanted to be expansive, playful and connected: to be having fun times with friends in summer fields, to meet new people and to be uplifted. Instead I was stuck at home, unwell with a very small range of movement. How could this be happening to me?

In the microcosm of this very small and highly personal experience the macrocosm is reflected. There is an epidemic of stress, struggle and burnout on so many levels in Western society.

The consequences of an imbalanced attitude characterised by imposing outcomes, ignoring limits and overriding signs of stress, unchecked expansion, unsustainable growth, controlling, depleting resources, arrogance and linear thinking. All attributes I once embodied and lived and promoted! The path to my harmony is to integrate softer gentler qualities and spiritual values:

I was able to find peace through giving myself credit for:

♥  Bringing full awareness and radical honesty to the situation and respecting the full truth.

 ♥ Staying present with myself ; allowing and accepting a full flow of uncomfortable feelings: Risking being real.

 ♥  Honouring guidance from feeling, intuition, dreams, bodily symptoms and outer synchronicities.

♥  Trusting that some greater good would come, even though I might not see it now: humility and surrender.

♥  Prioritising self-care, kindness and gentleness. 

♥ Acknowledging my courage, vulnerability and authenticity.

♥ Appreciating and celebrating that I am able to transform an unhealthy and deeply entrenched pattern.

This is proving to be a summer of tremendous personal change and growth for me; how is it for you? I welcome all comments and feedback.

May we all become our most authentic, peaceful and healthy selves!

Jennifer

Boundaries, over-listening and energy management

Do you over listen to others?

What you have here is a drop system, began the plumber, tapping the pipes below the boiler. I could feel a lecture coming on. As he paused to take a deep inbreath,  I interjected swiftly, politely and definitely: I'm afraid you've already lost me.

He got the message and looked hurt. It was clear that he really wanted to explain the system to me. However I had neither the time nor motivation to listen. Most importantly I have found that overlistening exhausts me emotionally and energetically. Today as well as emptying the radiators, this innocent looking middle aged man could easily end up draining me, if I allow it.

Not only do I suffer in the present moment; overtime this pattern depletes physical health and wellbeing and ultimately contributes to weakened immunity, disconnection from the true self, chronic fatigue and burnout. I have worked on myself for a number of years to restore health and aliveness and refuse to compromise my wellbeing: I am too important!

The cues are always present if we are willing to listen.  
Signs that I am about to be drained emotionally/energetically:

My joy falls away
I get a contraction in my solar plexus
My head starts to feel heavy and dull
I feel anxious and panicky, wanting to escape

If I don't act to protect myself, in addition to above I may experience:

Headaches
Loss of physical energy and vitality
Disturbed sleep: difficulty falling asleep, early wakefulness
Dreams of being invaded in some way, home break-in or being aggressively pursued
Not feeling refreshed by sleep, physical dullness and fatigue

In her recently published work Emotional Freedom, Californian energy psychiatrist Dr Judith Orloff describes four types of energy vampires, archetypal personalities we may encounter. It is a useful read, and I recommend it. I also feel that the term vampire while explicit and immediate construes a sense of helplessness and passivity, victimhood. Undesirable.

My recovery has come from an attitude of empowerment and taking personal responsibility, without blaming or judging others.(Including myself!)

Time spent in nature heals and restores

Practical steps to restore energy.

Walk in nature; take in fresh air and unseen natural forces, breathe deeply!

Bathe to cleanse the physical body. Ideally wild water such as a natural spring, river or the ocean.

Burn incense or natural resins to purify your environment, open windows and doors to release stagnant energy.

Listen to and repeat a prayer, mantra or healing affirmation to clear your aura and calm the mind.

Visualise and reconnect to the feeling of light mood and limitless energy, remember a time when you felt this way.

Back to today's story. I quietly exited the kitchen, leaving the plumber to continue his work. I virtually skipped across the garden, a sense of  celebration and jubilation filling me from within. Sensations of  happiness and wellness, the inner being responding to self-love. The fruits of self-care, so sweet and precious and plenty of energy left to spend as I choose.