Leaving Rishikesh: Heading deeper into the mystery

Boy selling flowers for Ganga puja

After two weeks I am more than ready to leave Rishikesh. I never really settled here, the opposite of what I had intended, expected and planned. I thought I would stay here until November and maybe beyond.

I was drawn here on a heart level, romanced by thoughts of Ganga Devi and the powerful Shiv-shakti resonating in the landscape. 

On a pragmatic note Rishikesh, town of seers has been the container of thousands of years of unbroken spiritual practice, undisputedly the world capital of yoga. 

A seriously devoted yogin and Indiaphile, it makes no sense that I would not find a reason to stay. Surely everything I needed was here?

And indeed I had found a great place to stay, good teachers, spiritual friendship and I was feeling very blessed indeed by the presence of Mother Ganga. I could see the beauty and depth of this amazing town in its’ ceaseless celebration of God. I have been travelling, working, studying and living abroad since the age of seventeen and know the rewards that come from committing to a place for a month or more. 

And yet, Rishikesh just didn’t feel right. I never felt really happy, relaxed or peaceful. In truth, I was confused, overwhelmed and just surviving. I gave myself two weeks time and space to adjust and observed my feelings with as much detachment as possible. 

I checked in with my friend and confidante Ruth-Anne, who was loving Rishikesh and envisioning a stay of several weeks. Tell me how you feel about this place I asked her A feeling of belonging, that I could always live here, that I have always lived here, she responded with enthusiasm and clarity. How wonderful for Ruth-Anne, and a great contrast to my experience. 

Russian Krishna devotees at Saint Seva ashram

I did everything I could to make it work. Then I realized, I didn’t want to make it work, I wanted things to flow smoothly and joyfully, surely the greatest teaching of the great river goddess herself. 

I was distressing myself and creating struggle by not accepting my feelings and wanting to know why. This question Why?  drains my emotional energy pretty fast. The trick is to unhook one's mind from the situation, to simply let go.

I chose to surrender the situation to my higher self.  I would  trust my feelings that Rishikesh wasn't right for me and prepare to leave. A new direction would reveal itself.  I would receive guidance from within, a hunch, an urge, a feeling, a synchronicity, an intuition.  Until then, I would have rest in uncertainty, not knowing and give space to the situation.

 

Contemporary spiritual teacher Andrew Cohen supports and clarifies this point of view, The directly felt and seen dimension is always going to be moving faster than your understanding of it* This idea is a great comfort, that the higher self is one step ahead and the physical mind travels at slower speeds.

Spiritual shopping galore!

My time in Rishikesh has been of benefit and I can say that I have enjoyed it and was glad I came.  Rishikesh was somewhere I had to come and experience for myself.  

I wondered how it would have been to visit twenty or thirty years ago, stripping away layers of modernization: the noisy jeeps, the innumerable gift shops, the sheer number of visitors that made the place so intense and overwhelming. 

At some point, Rishikesh would have been a calm spiritual haven: ashrams, riverbank, mountains and sky. The ideal environment for spiritual seekers. 

But the moment is always now, I can’t turn back time. Or wish for things to be other than they are. All I can do is accept what is and move forward with gratitude for what I have known here and move ahead with an attitude of optimism.

So what to do next and where to go?

I could head south, but I had a feeling that there was somewhere else in North India for me. I considered moving further up the Ganga, towards the source. Uttarkashi and Gangotri were the obvious choices. Once again, my intuition said No. I needed a complete change, a contrast from the exuberant chaos of Indian pilgrim towns. I was looking for nature, tranquility, a peaceful haven and spiritual community.

Pilgrims gather at Swarg ashram

In a flash, the answer came: Dharmashala , the seat of his holiness the Dalai Lama, spiritual leader of exiled Tibetan Buddhists. 

Amazingly, there was a direct train connection from Rishikesh, it would be a day’s journey, relatively short for India. I felt the inner uplift of excitement and arranged my ticket this morning. 

I’ve already had a bit of decision backlash, doubts and fears surfacing, beginning to persecute me:

What if I am making a mistake? Dharmashala will be crowded, noisy and dirty. I am a yogi, not a Buddhist! It will be a waste of time, money and energy.  

With practice, I am able to allow such fearful thoughts to come and go, arise and dissipate. I choose to believe that I am going to have a positive experience and wrote the following affirmations in my journal:

I am going with the flow of life

I am being brave

I am stretching and growing

I am prepared to be surprised and delighted

Only good lies before me (Louise Hay)

I am ready for this new experience

I am following inner guidance

I can’t get it wrong!

Adventure awaits!

Namaste

Jennifer

*Ken Wilber and Andrew Cohen, Guru and the Pandit, Live in Denver

 

Stress, Spirituality and the Shift

How are you doing? Enquired my housemate, genuinely concerned. I am preparing for a long trip overseas and there is much to be done on a practical level.

I'm ok, really ok My words came as a complete surprise to me! As my thoughts aired through speech I hardly recognised myself: I felt calm, peaceful and relaxed.

How could this be? I had so much to do! I had not managed to keep up with my to do list, I had experienced a couple of setbacks earlier in the day.

I had every reason to feel stressed, emotional, anxious and overwhelmed. And yet.... I felt good! This was new and unfamiliar.

I'm no stranger to stress: stress has permeated and coloured most of my life. I witnessed my parents overworking and projecting their frustrations onto myself and my siblings, which we duly internalised. I then created lots and lots of stress for myself as a young adult. Firstly through setting and achieving seemingly unfeasible academic goals. And then spending  years collecting promotions and taking on increasing levels of responsibility in inner London education. I eventually burnt out, retraining in holistic arts: yoga and bodywork.

Yet the stress followed me into my new life; unseen and silent, I let stress continue to devour me and drain my energy on all levels.

Stress is the plague of the modern world, who doesn't suffer from stress? Sadly, stress is the norm and accompanies much of our daily experience.

I have come to know stress pretty intimately. My definition would be a set of physiological and emotional responses to challenging conditions. 

Typically, there is a feeling of overwhelm, of circumstances being out of control, of lacking the time or resources to meet the situation. Being unable to cope. Caught in a stress reaction, we fixate and magnify the situation out of all proportion and risk spiralling into a vortex of negativity.

In my work I have become skilled at relaxing the physical body, it is useful but not enough. On my journey of healing I have come to see that holistic therapies and bodywork can only take me so far; right now the work is taking place on the inner level.

Stress is a choice, a reactive pattern, we have repeated time and time again that we assume it is a fixed response. We don't realise we are choosing it:  we feel as though it is choosing us. Because it is a choice, we have it in our power to change our response and transform our relationship to the situation.

My practise is is to avoid tipping over into the stress reaction and inhabiting the stress zone which wreaks havoc on the body, emotions and causes a detachment from spirit, a separation from the inner being,  a shut down. This is quite simply too high a price to pay.  And I no longer consider stress to be inevitable, I challenge its hold over me and my life force.

I am suggesting that the antidote to stress is TRUST. An inner knowing that circumstances will regulate themselves, that we can cope and all will be well, even though we don't in the present moment know how. The universe, divinity or one's own higher self will ensure a positive outcome.

Todays example: I had ordered a pair of walking shoes online, they were a real bargain and alas when arrived they didn't fit. I started to tell a negative story,  They don't fit, this is terrible! I can't afford an expensive pair, I don't have left enough time to get a replacement sent out, it's my fault and so on. I started to embroider in everything else I had to do, there simply wasn't enough time!  I could feel myself on the verge of panick and anxiety.

I caught myself, detached from the reaction and told myself a different story: It was going to be so easy to organise a refund, I was dealing with a retailer who always gave superlative customer service. I would find another pair of walking shoes, I didn't yet know how, but I knew that the Universe would bring me a solution.

Peace dawned on me: I knew that everything was going to be ok. Letting go of stress is a huge deal. When I am able to do this, I feel lighter, freer, calm and relaxed. The real me!

I am learning to let go of the paradigm of the supremacy of the rational mind, whereby we expect to solve all our problems by thinking and planning, skills which only work some of the time and leave us mentally and emotionally exhausted and ultimately unsatisfied.

I choose to let go of  struggle

In expanded consciousness, we live an integrated spirituality,  broadening one's understanding to include a benevolent cosmic force that is always on our side and operating to produce the highest good for all.

Which means that the poor, long overburdened thinking mind no longer has to bear the full weight of responsibility for our decisions and choices in life. Everybody wins!

This is the shift in awareness that humanity is currently being asked to make: Do we choose a fear based reality (stress) or love based reality (trust)? The loneliness of the illusion of separateness or the joy of co-creation?

Which do you prefer?

Blessings of calmness and clarity

Jennifer

Autumn Equinox and the End of Summer

Succulent hedgerow blackberries

Summer officially ended yesterday. The reality of autumn is all around. I'm just back from a walk along Wick Hollow, down to Paddington Farm, past Gog and Magog and back via Paradise Lane, a favourite route.

I notice firstly the calmness, the earth's quiet mood. Then the hedgerow harvest: blackberries now super ripe in unrelenting abundance, random apples decaying and fermenting on the ground. Shiny brown horse chestnuts bounce along the lanes, newly ejected from their spiky jackets.

The trees are tipped red, yellow and bronze and as the wind picks up, a graceful cascade of dry leaves tumbles into my path.

I am in wistful mood, basking in a bittersweet melancholy that I can almost taste. Memories of spring and summer are still fresh and vivid. I am still wearing my summer clothes, with some additional layering. No need  for gloves and scarves; yet that is where we are headed.  The seductive imaginings of a country winter: rosy cheeks and mittened hands, booted feet crunching the frosted earth. Of bare silhouettes of trees and stark skies. Woodsmoke. The pale and elusive winter sun.

Balance point of dark and light

This is the time of the autumn equinox, a brief interlude in the wheel of the year, a balance point with days and nights in equilibrium after which we turn away from the light and progress steadily and certainly towards the dark.

As a yoga practioner,  I find a parallel with the breath. In certain pranayam techniques one cultivates an equal length of inhalation and exhalation, rechaka and puraka. Kumbhaka, retention, is the cessation of breath and body activity, the supreme moment.

The cycle of the breath is repeated many times within a minute, the cycle of the earth's revolution of the sun occupies a full calendar year, yet the principle is the same; expansion, pause, contraction.

I use equinox as a moment out of time, an opportunity to look back at what has been and ahead, towards what is to come.

It has been a curious summer, of witnessing with confusion the falling away of many structures and circumstances that supported me. The releasing of a longterm relationship. Of markedly less activity in work and in my social life. Of making do with less, materially and financially.

The flipside of which has been the deepening into what remains. Primarily my relationship with myself, discovering the jewel in the lotus, the sacred centre within. 

Understanding the gift and the prerogative of presence. Redefining abundance. Strengthening key friendships, gaining greater fulfilment from quieter times. Hearing the voices of the natural world speaking louder and singing in my heart.

As far as looking ahead, well this is a wonderful time to be in Glastonbury. A time of sharing and nurture, coming together and slowing down after the scattered exuberance of summer. To spend the autumn and winter here is truly to know the heart of Avalon. My plans however are leading me elsewhere... In this moment I am here and I celebrate!

Recommended Autumn Equinox events in Glastonbury:


Thursday 22nd September 8pm -
Community Celebration, Assembly Rooms, High St
www.assemblyrooms.org.uk

Friday 23rd September 12pm -
Chalice Well Wheel of the Year Festival and Meditation
www.chalicewell.org.uk

Pagan Gathering Under the Stars
Cinnamon Lane 7pm
Contact Morgan: 01458 835518

Enjoy this time of balance and pause

Equinox blessings

Jennifer

Response to London riots

Community spirit emerges in Clapham

This morning I awoke early and began trawling the mainstream media. I wouldn't normally begin my day this way,but like many others I am following the extraordinary events currently unfolding in London and other cities across the UK.

My mood was buoyant and optimistic. Yesterday evening  I was cheered by press images of doughty Brits bearing brooms aloft reclaiming the streets of Clapham. Clean up groups were mushrooming online, powered by community spirit. I joined a facebook group: Stay Home and Drink Tea. A feeling that the worst had passed.

Alas another troubled night of violence, with more and more urban centres affected. I live snuggled away in Glastonbury, a peaceful new age nexus. No high street chains to loot here; when Woolworths closed in 2009 the premises re-opened as a wholefoods store and organic cafe. It is unthinkable that violence and rage would penetrate this far.

And yet, cycling past the Co-Operative store in the early evening I counted five police vehicles and one very sorry looking miscreant being detained.

The high drama continues then. It is real and it is happening now and I am feeling affected.

Looting

Firstly, I feel a sadness, a soreness, that London is suffering. London is my birth town and where I spent my early childhood. I returned as a newly hatched teacher in the early nineties and grafted hard in inner city schools in 'troubled' areas for ten intense years. I do have a genuine sense of personal upset and loss.

I am also feeling the deep poignancy of the inevitability of it all. The death throes of a  paining, dysfunctional society, writhing in anguish as its structures collapse. Volatile finacial markets, plummeting shares are the economic backdrop to this; money systems across the globe are destabilising, on the verge of collapse. Society is burning out*

I feel deep compassion for our troubled urban youth; a generation of lost boys and girls raised on poor diets, in ugly environments, conditioned to worship celebrities and to desire and expect a lifestyle they could never afford or attain: luxury branded goods, expensive personal media and technologies, fast cars and beautiful bodies. The crisis of a life lived without depth or meaning: lacking any intrinsic sense of belonging, self-esteem, dignity, value or worth.

Celebrating with community at Paddington Farm

I read the violence as the expression of the repressed contents of collective consciousness,  a volcanic eruption, as described by progressive mystical psychologist Carl Gustav Jung a century ago.

From his perspective, modern western civilisation is largely soulless and thus profoundly unreal and imbalanced. The psyche is a self-balancing mechanism and as we have gone too far in a certain direction this reaction is an unavoidable consequence.

Contemporary teacher Eckhart Tolle commenting on the cataclysmic events that rocked our world in September 2002, uses the expression collective insanity:

The collective insanity that is in the human mind has a grip on the world and has enormous momentum

It becomes obvious when we see such a violent manifestation of it, violence inflicted by humans upon each other, it is a manifestation of the human condition 

There is something arising now on this planet that is different, that is new, that is not part of that insanity 

There is an acceleration of the new energy coming in and an intensification of the old which is playing itself out, that is the core of the madness

The sickness or insanity can only be dissolved in the individual, because the collective is only the sum total of the unconsciousness in the individual, the collective follows

A personal teaching: any outer circumstance affords me a window into my own soul, I ask myself:

What am I learning about myself? 
How am I moved by this? 
What are my responses and my reactions?

Drinking tea for peace on facebook

I am grateful that what is missing in the lives of my brothers and sisters in the cities is present in my life. Glastonbury is a spiritual, creative community. Here you can experience belonging.

Far from perfect, yet we endeavour personally and collectively to practice what we preach; growing our own food, sharing resources, joining together to pray and celebrate. Love and caring circulates here. I recognise it, I value it and I wish it for others.

On the inner level; I am becoming more and more established in knowing my inviolable value and worth. Shifting from an identity based on the external self, what I wear, what I have, how much money I have or even the work that I do or don't do. We were created by a loving source, we are here, we are good enough.

I have been singing songs of peace and chanting mantras, primarily to calm myself. We can all be agents of peace. Creating tranquility and harmony in our individual lives is a meaningful contribution to the collective energy field at any time and particularly now.

This beautiful prayer, is buzzing around my head comes from a song by Adrian Freedman who performed it  recently at a concert in town:

Dear God our Divine Mother, our Divine Father

Please help us to hold the light in our hearts

Please help us to transform our pain

So we may live our lives in peace and dignity

Aho to that.

Resources:

*Charles Eisenstein investigates current state of society and presents a future forward vision with authority, eloquence and compassion in his books: The Ascent of Humanity and Sacred Economics.

Peace invoking, healing, sacred song from Adrian Freedman. Buy, listen and sing to yourself and everyone you know.

Audio interview with Eckhart Tolle Even the Sun will Die recorded September 11 2002

Read Carl Jung's theory of the collective unconscious in his collected works, Volume 9 The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious

Facebook group Anti-riot Drink a cup of tea

Letting go, transformation & new projects....

So I haven't posted in a while as my personal and professional life continue to transform; a series of significant upheavals. All postive, which have taken me to new and hitherto unknown levels of health, happiness, abundance and personal freedom.

My business is changing too, as I discover new gifts and talents with help and support from others and have a wider range of healing and wellness strategies and interventions to share with others.

More to come as the new states of being and new projects crystallise and become more definite.

With gratitude, surrender and harmony
Jennifer

Transformations, going with the flow...

My personal yoga journey, now in its eigth year, has taken an unexpected turn. Following four years of introspection and inner attention through the Scaravelli method I find myself yearning for a more expressive and expansive experience of asana. I want to enjoy movement and form again.

I will be taking some workshops this summer with experienced teachers of vinyasa flow: Seane Corne, Shiva Rea are teaching in London this summer and I am excited about tasting the vibes of the sexy, urban hip Jivamukti studio. Synchronistically (all coincidences are meaningful)I have been offered a slew of Energize yoga work and have just bought an iPod, lstening to electronica and compiling yoga beat soundtracks.

In terms of yoga styles, this pretty much represents a complete volte face and it is quite something to acknowledge on a personal level. It feels important to follow this feeling of excitement and intuition, not to judge it or judge yoga.

It is so so easy and obvious to suggest that certain forms are more serious or frivolous than others. The body-mind must be allowed to express itself in which ever way is most appropriate at the time and not held back by the rational mind, which usually takes longer to catch up with the evolutions (revolutions?) initiated by the inner being, the higher self.

Quite literally I have to go with the flow on this one....

How to resolve, successfully!

After the exuberant abundance of Christmas celebrations, a fresh attitude of health, simplicity and frugality is a welcome contrast. And so we move into January; a new month, a new year, indeed a new decade. A fresh sweep of time stretches ahead, clean and blank and ready to be imprinted with our hopes, wishes and goals. There is the feeling that we may sweep old habits away with the tinsel and recreate our lives, our very selves anew!

I offer a few thoughts and suggestions for anyone who may be embarking on positive change at this time.

1 Aim for sustainable, manageable change. Be kind to yourself and keep expectations realistic to ensure success.

2 Build upon what you have already achieved. For example an occasional yoga class could become a weekly commitment. If you attend class regularly, why not resolve to practice at home on the days you don’t see your teacher.

3 Let go of old habits gradually. Release the stress and drama of going cold turkey: aim for one dairy/alcohol/caffeine/sugar free day per week. When this is established, extend to two or three days, then five and so on.

3 When introducing new habits, set time parameters. For example including a fresh juice with breakfast for 10 days or for the month of January, then review.

4 Allow yourself to receive. Holistic bodywork such as massage will reduce stress and support other changes, particularly if exercising or detoxing. You might also invest in essential oils, and book a few sauna or spa sessions

5 Prioritise your new habits. Set time and money aside and honour your commitment to yourself. Block out time in your personal diary and family calendar and protect with vigilance! Attending to your health is not an added extra or luxury! It is key to your ability to stay relaxed, healthy. After all, when you are physically and emotionally balanced you will be in a much stronger position to support your loved ones.

I wish you every success in your endeavours and a peaceful and prosperous 2010

Happy New Year!

Spring clean your life, holistically!

With the days lengthening and warming, we can finally shrug goodbye to winter. For most this is an opportunity to shed heaviness and welcome in a lighter version, whether that be clothing, linens, food and drink.

From a holistic perspective we might look beyond the physical and declutter on all levels. Nonetheless we live in a material world and this is a good place to start. Be easy about it, start small with a kitchen drawer or your cosmetics bag. I've just culled my sock collection and I'm excited about the lovely space I have created. This sense of achievement will spur you ever onward!

On the emotional level, write a list of behaviours or attitudes that you would like to leave behind, such as self-blame or criticism of others. Choose just one and create an affirmation to counter your negative thinking, such as I forgive myself always, I allow others to be fully themselves. Pin your affirmation somewhere visible at home and leave it to percolate into your subconscious over the month.

Spiritually, create space by allowing time every day for personal practice, I suggest 10 minutes in the morning or evening to sit quietly with yourself and observe your state of being.

Thinking of taking up yoga?

New Year is traditionally a time to set fresh intentions and make positive changes in our lives. For many, this means a concerted effort to improve one’s health through diet and lifestyle changes. 

It is a popular time to take up yoga. Of the enquiries I receive there is a common lamentation: “I’d like to start yoga, but I’m not flexible enough.” This is a classic conundrum, identifying the desired result (increased flexibility), held back by perceived personal limitations. 

I admire the courage of anyone who tries something new, it is challenging to our status quo when we move out of our comfort zone into the unknown. New Year is a time to step out boldly and embrace the new. 

Your decision to attend a yoga class is your first step to a more flexible you. Remember that a host of other benefits will follow, such as a calmer mind, improved sleep and digestion; inner peace and deep contentment may also follow!  

Participation in group yoga gives us an opportunity to face our fears that we are not good enough, that we need to compare ourselves to others. We can let go of that as we experience the class as a safe, supportive environment to explore our personal responses to the postures and the breath, letting go of competition and judgement and enjoying the presence of the other students, sharing our yoga and ourselves.

Reflection, appreciation : an annual audit

The silence of mid-winter is an invitation to our personal stillness. As December closes we are poised to leave one year behind and transition into the new. It is natural to pause and reflect upon what has gone before and what is to come.

I would encourage a positive bias. Choosing to recall those experiences that were uplifting, nourishing and joyful. This can be formalised into a prayer or meditation, a closing ritual for the old year. Getting into a mode of appreciation sets the tone for welcoming in yet more postive experiences into our lives.