Taking Time Out for Myself

Enjoying quiet time at home

I'm getting good at listening to myself, understanding and honouring the messages from within. For the last couple of weeks I have felt the need to rest at home quietly and spend time with myself.

This is quite beautiful, as it resonates with the rythmic cycle of the seasons and the slow yet obvious sloping away of energy as we turn to face the autumn equinox and beyond that the darkening into winter in the northern hemisphere as we rotate away from the sun.

I have a practice of self-honouring and self-care, by which I mean I commit to looking after myself, as a sacred contract, which I renew daily in the form of prayer, meditation or affirming intention.

This subverts years, decades of patterning and behaviour during which the opposite was true; I gave up listening to myself, I was woefully unaware of my true needs and would override any inner messages that managed to get through.

I made everything more important than myself; work especially, also other peoples needs. I had a definition of my own needs which tended to decrease rather than support health: the mixed blessings of the modern age which mercifully we are now waking up and reconsidering: status, shopping, rich food and all kinds of indulgences.

My physical and emotional self suffered and eventually collapsed under the strain, leading to recurrent episodes of chronic fatigue, burn out and depression. My spiritual self was ever present I guess but buried within and lost to me; I was lost to myself.

Early signs of autumn: time to turn inward

I have loved myself back to health and happiness and reconnected with my inner being. Staying true to my whole self is a full time job and even now, I can feel guilty about prioritising my clear and obvious need for rest and quiet time, when I feel that I should be engaged more actively with the world.

This success mentality, the attitude of doing, imposing goals, timetables and outcomes leads to imbalance not only in the individual experience but collectively too. Its a big one to shift and I need to acknowledge myself when I intervene and act preventatively. Which I am beginning to do more easily.

So when I received two potent dreams on consecutive nights, both indicating fatigue I knew I had to stop. Firstly, a refridgerator fully iced in; my laptop embedded within, frozen. Either I was going to seize up or I needed a break from writing and the internet.

Secondly, wading uphill in Glastonbury town, through knee deep water feeling too tired to continue: meaning I was getting  burnt out in town; time to pull back.

This time, the guilt was minimal and I allowed myself to enjoy this special time; a retreat at home.

Living in a small and interconnected dynamic community of Glastonbury, complete seclusion was unrealistic. Two days into my exile, even the meter reader from the power company felt the need to tell me, unprompted, all about her healing experience at Chalice Well!

I am getting comfortable with setting personal boundaries. I have let go of worrying that friends will feel excluded or rejected. I say; I'm taking a some time out at home, I'll give you a call in a few days and we can do something lovely together.

I get positive feedback on this, such as Wow you are really looking after yourself, or I should really do that! Take good rest

Nurturing the Inner Self

So I keep my home clean and uncluttered and bring in fresh flowers, burn incense and candles, throughout the day. The computer is resting too, unplugged. I meditate upon deities; Shiva and Ganesha, the Goddess of the Ganga. I practice yoga asana, I chant and pray.

I rest deeply in my own presence, giving myself the quality time and attention I deserve.

I sit in the garden, face upturned to catch the still warm delicious golden rays of the Spetember sun. I forage  in a nearby abandoned orchard, collecting armfuls of tiny apples, blushed pink.

I recall how I sang bhajans under a particular tree with friends in early spring as the blossoms were forming and we looked forward to the summer ahead.

Eschewing electric light, I take myself to bed as the sun sets, free of the restraints of clock time and rise before dawn, opening the doors to receive the day.

Early morning walking the circumference of Glastonbury Tor and receiving the energising morning prana as the sun's appearance burns away the mists of Avalon while still sleepy sheep huddle against the slopes of this holy hill.

My dreams became more vivid and my ablity to feel deeply and receive intuition becomes heightened, I begin to feel restored.

Then the call back to a fuller engagement: the feeling of wanting to connect and share with others. The urge to write and a wonderful dream: of newly de-cluttered kitchen cupboards, I open them all to find order and spaciousness and there is an accompanying feeling of contentment and wellbeing: Meaning I have created some much needed internal space.

I am now ready to resume and rejoin the flow of life, relaxed and feeling peaceful once more. I wonder what's next....?

Intentions and affirmations

I listen with love to my body's messages (Louise Hay)

My intuition is always on my side

My dreams are a valuable source of wisdom  and guidance to me

I give myself permission to slow down and stop

I take really good care of myself at all times

Tine with myself is precious and wonderful

My friends are understanding and supportive of my needs

It is safe to let go

I am nourished by quiet time with myself

Why not give yourself permission to slow down and stop?

Peaceful blessings,

Jennifer