Staying in the calm zone: a moment by moment practice

As a mountain lake, I am deep and serene

This morning, I treated myself to a bouquet of yellow lillies; I imagined them bouncing, nodding and illuminating my room with a sunny glow.

Unwrapping them, I  noticed that a few of the heads had fallen off. Ah well, that's ok, no big deal Wow! So proud of my effortless equanimity. Then it became clear that I had decipatiated most of the precious blooms and as I arranged the largely bare and stunted stems, my heart plummeted.

The hounds of negativity began to gather at my door, yet I remained calm and loving. Wow again. In past times, before the inner work I would have besieged myself with self-destructive thoughts such as: Look what you've done, this is your fault, you were carrying far too much too much, should have paid more attention, what a waste of money, who do you think you are buying flowers for yourself?

I did allow myself to feel disappointment. Emotional freedom is not about denying or suppressing, pretending that things dont exist; that creates damage. There is an honouring, a welcoming of all feeling. The trick is to observe difficult emotions and let them pass. The harm comes through holding on, dwelling in the difficult emotion, identifying with it, tethering it to ones reality. One up to me!

Round two: the phone rang.  I recently cancelled an insurance policy and the company called to check my status, even though I had sent in a written declaration. I begun to fume inwardly and while I replied politely to the agent I was thinking, This is so vexing! What a waste of my time! How dare you call so pointlessly and intrude on my day? Again, awareness was present, so mercifully I allowed myself to feel the frustration and to let it flow out.  A return to calm.

The teachings of Eckhart Tolle have been massively helpful in this regard. I have absorbed hours of content and appear to have saturated myself to the extent of now hearing the master in my ear; Be the ever vigilent guardian of your inner space. I was pleased when Louise Hay joined us, soothing and affirming, Deep within the center of my being is a mountain lake, deep and serene  I win again!

I finally cracked this afternoon when I cycled through the rain to meet a yoga client who, due to mutual misunderstanding, was not home. I had gotten wet earlier that day and had rushed lunch to get to the session. This was too much! I took myself home and let the feelings flow, sobbing freely and releasing the tension of the day.

This was also ok, I am learning a new way of relating to myself.  Maintaining calm is a moment to moment practice; a series of gentle micro course corrections, removing oneself from stress and negativity, letting go and re-establishing a mood of loving kindness. It is not about being perfectly calm in every moment; after all every lake experiences turbulence and even mountains suffer avalanches. There will always be bumps in the road!

The core issue is cultivating a steady centre, a new identity  based on self-love and compassion, a safe and secure inner place to return to, no matter what shows up. The more I am able to cope with low level challenges and remain whole, the more I will be able to live a full and amazing life. If I can handle whatever comes my way then there really are no limits...