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| Boundaries are essential for emotional health |
The need arises for positive working relationships with staff and managers. I have to understand and adapt to their ethos and systems. I enjoy this aspect of my work and take satisfaction in maintaining professional standards of conduct and giving good service.
Overall, my experiences are harmonious: expectations are clearly communicated. I need to know when where I will be setting up, when, what treatments are to be given, what items I need to bring, the timings, how and when payment will be rendered and any special requirements. It is helpful to have maximum notice of dates and to know that the booking is firm.
Of course there are often variables; last minute changes to client numbers, a change of venue; sessions may not always start on time. Skilfulness requires flexibility, the ability to surrender a little control and adapt positively; this can be fun and lead to bonding within the team as creative and satisfying solutions are found.
One particular place had become a constant challenge. More often than not, the work although well paid and regular would leave me tense, confused, drained and uncertain and was taking up far too much of my time and emotional energy.
The manager is great guy, positive and loving in nature with a broad vision and a desire to assist humanity. He operates creatively, in a flowing state of confusion, chaos and crisis management and somehow holds his enterprise together. I began to see that his success was coming at the expense of my health and sanity as time and again I yielded to his unpredictable nature.
Communications were erratic, treatments arranged and cancelled with very little notice. I would have to chase up payment and last time I worked for him he called me three days later to say he had overpaid me and needed some money back, although I had submitted a written invoice. This was beyond stressful, I was losing my health and sanity!
This is not about making the other person wrong. Indeed, what has been hardest is separating my personal feelings for someone I have known for several years, have tremendous respect and admiration for and genuinely care about.
Nor do I expect the other to change, to fit my expectations and my preferences. He is free to be himself in the fullest glorious expression and I celebrate that.
From a compassionate standpoint, the choices are made for me. Firstly I notice and give space to my feelings and reactions: in this case frustration, impatience, exhaustion, judgement and blame. Then I accept responsibility for the situation. This is happening to me now in my life and it is for me to address. How perfect is that? Find the gift: I created this set of circumstances as a teaching. How do I practice love and act from a place of integrity?
The next time I received an ambiguous request for a treatment I set my boundaries clearly as follows: I am available at this time, this is my fee and could you please confirm by this time. The deadline for confirmation came and went, I extended by fifteen minutes and then turned off my phone. Rather than waiting anxiously, unsure as to whether I would be working the next day and so unable to make plans; I was going have an enjoyable evening and the morning to myself too! Blissful!
A phonecall came through the following morning. The treatment room had been readied, the client waiting, where was I? I calmly reminded him that I had asked for confirmation by 6pm. He listed communication problems and other factors. I felt a little twinge of guilt which passed quickly. I would have wished for a smoother outcome, I did ask you to let me know by 6pm, I was holding the time for you until then. No drama, no fear. I could feel my inner being dancing and celebrating this freedom I had allowed myself.
How do I safe-guard my precious resources? Not only my physical and emtional energies, also my personal integrity? I honour myself on the deepest levels by saying no to situations that deplete and create stress. Asserting my value and acting from a place of high self-esteem and self-worth regardless of the outcome. From this standpoint it becomes impossible to tolerate behaviours and circumstances that I do not prefer and creates an opening in my life for that which I do prefer to show up.
Thoughts and affirmations:
I love to work and be of service
I am more important than my work, my income, other peoples opinion of me
I experience harmonious relationships and great communication at work
I honour and respect all those who show up in my life; they are free and I am free
I meet all challenges with compassion and love for myself and all involved
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